No Qualms with Who She is

The image of beauty is one that I have trouble to see,

for when it’s presented, it never looks like me.

It’s never the girl who holds her comics in her hands,

yet we idolize and minimize the girl who chooses to dance.

My dark skin and features are presented as less than,

yet those with fair skin is expected to tan.

The image of beauty never looks like me,

but attaining said beauty is impossible to see.

Very few women are treated as they should,

even if they’re from the suburbs or the hood.

My culture are my roots, my experiences the trunks that stands

and my curls and coils are the flowers that flutter in my hands.

As a black woman in this society; I’ve had to learn this:

I have to be a woman with no qualms with who she is.

But I’m not the only woman who needed to know self love;

for women of all races beauty isn’t a one size fits all glove.

From deep complexion to fair or from thick to thin;

women should have no qualms with the beauty within.

Self Love

So today is Valentine’s Day. It’s a day that means a lot of things for a lot of people, which comes with an expectation for said people. There is an expectation for love to be spread, and that is something that I am very fond of. We see a lot of negativity, so a day that is focused on love is a positive to me. But what does this day of love mean to someone who is single? I can tell you my point of view, seeing that I’m single and have been for a while now. Self- love has a significant meaning on this day. Similar to how love shouldn’t just be expressed on Valentine’s Day, self- love should be something that people partake in on a relatively regular basis.

Now just to preface, this isn’t to say that you should coddle yourself on Valentine’s day just because you’re single. This isn’t a pity part, just a different way to partake on this day of love. So the first thing that I do, in regards to self- love, is to simply relax. Love is a lot of things and one of them comes from a place of serenity. True, sometimes relationships are stressful, that includes with a significant other and with one’s self. That being said, the act of love should be relatively stress- free.

There are several things that a person can do to and for themselves when single on Valentine’s day. Something that I found that I really enjoyed last Valentine’s Day was to bake pastries. Yes, it was initially a means to present myself with chocolates and sweets. It’s rather surprising how intimate cooking can be, as well as relaxing. So the process of making these sweets was a form of self love in itself. I intended to enjoy them on my own. However, something that really heightened this process of self- love on Valentine’s Day was when I shared what I made with family and friends. Remember, that Valentine’s Day isn’t just about receiving, but also giving (yes, that sounds like a clich├ęd line in a Christmas movie). Being able to give, is a form of love and that is healthy and pleasant for both parties, the chocolate may not be though.

Being comfortable alone is an essential part to self- love. After baking, I watched TV on my computer. Sitting in my room may sound a bit sad, but it was honestly so pleasant. I have long since become comfortable with myself, excluding times when anxiety rears its ugly head but that happens both in and out of a relationship. Anyway, you don’t have to only sit alone in your room. Taking yourself out on a date is a very pleasant and nice way to practice self- love on Valentine’s Day when you’re single.

Understand, these tips aren’t for “surviving” Valentine’s Day with out a significant other. That mentality is rather harmful to truly partaking in self- love. So, I hope you guys have a happy Valentine’s Day!